The Untold

A thousand pieces She started walking towards us and I just stood there not knowing what to do but as she moved closer, I realised that she didn't have the concerned face on  which left me relieved so I ran to her to get that hug. The greetings went on for about five minutes, we even forgot about Samuel until he cleared his throat, I assume to remind us that he was still there.   Hilma: ( stretching out her hand to him) Hi, I'm Susan's big sister and sorry about what just happened, you must be Samuel ******^I just stood there giggling because she hardly gave him a chance to say something^**** Samuel :  I am, nice to finally meet you, she speaks highly of you Hilma : Oh! Really? What did she say? Maybe you can join us for a cup of tea so you tell me all about it and yourself Samuel: That is very kind of you and I would love to but I have a soccer practice to get to. Hilma: Too bad for us then, thank you for bringing my sister home safely      ...

A thousand pieces I didn't know really much about Samuel because that first day when we met we didn't talk about personal issues and I didn't ask him questions when we started due to the fact that I didn't want him to think that I only want what he has, not who he is. I know it is dump of me to get involved with a person who might be married, a gangster or just someone I wouldn't want to hang around with. But If I had to do this thing and not get attached then I don't need to know anything about him, I felt that it was the only  thing I could do to prevent myself from getting attached to him.                     ************** I didn't him ask him what he does for a living, his age, where he's from but I will be finding out soon anyway. I travelled to the city three days before school started  and because I didn’t have family there, I always stay with Hilma, a good friend of mine while I sort out my hostel registration. ...

A thousand pieces It was almost time to go back to school and because of that, it means I have to see Samuel soon. It will be for the second time but this time as my boyfriend. I was so afraid and I still have no idea of how I should act around him. He has been so nice and sometimes it pains me that this is only temporary and it will leave him broken once I leave him or once he finds out that I was only using him. He kept on telling me how he missed me and how badly he couldn’t wait to finally see the girlfriend. I won't lie, I also wanted to see him but I'm mostly afraid that I will see a different person in him, different from the guy I drove with that other day I met him.  I remember him being cute, funny, loving and all those good things but that was only the first day, what if he was only pretending and he's not that kind. He has been a good boyfriend over the phone, I wonder if he is consistent with that, because I can't afford dealing with two heartbreaks a...

A thousand pieces I woke up missing him and today unlike all the other past days, I didn't feel bad about it or perhaps it's because he gave me a bit of hope. For a very long time, I didn't realise that I relied on him for my happiness, so much that I had a breakdown when he left me, taking away my joy and happiness, I guess he took all that he gave me but he left with much more. He left me with nothing but the pictures we took which only makes me feel worse about myself so I would rather not look at those. Looking at the pictures brings back all the memories and it hurts so much knowing that I won't experience those with him any longer, looking at the pictures reminds me of our last time together, that night when he poured out his heart as we stared at that starry sky. When the stars shone light to us like it was a sign of a bright future together. I guess I should have considered that the night is full of terror too. Thinking about that night only brings me to tea...

A thousand pieces He read the text after 20 minutes and when he didn't reply for two hours, I wrote to him again. Letter 7 Dear Stranger now "You are probably annoyed, You are probably fed up Maybe you are irritated Maybe you are bothered By me and my existence Perhaps you want me to leave you alone. Maybe yes, maybe not But I will only know if you tell me, I would only fathom if you if you let me know Only when you say it say it will I know that you are tired of seeing my name pop up on your screen when I text. I will only know that you don't want anything to do with me the day you tell me to stop bothering you, only then will I know. You avoiding me does not say anything You ignoring me doesn't tell me anything You being mean doesn't prove anything You being quiet is reason unknown to me. You have got to give me something, anything. Tell me you never want to hear from me again Tell me that last time was the last time I would see you Onl...

A thousand pieces I get in the car and guess who's sitting next to me? I have a silent smile because I haven't had something positive happen in my life for a while. Since I was still sad, I decided to take a nap and I didn't realise that I was actually sleeping because I woke up three hours later when we stopped at a service station for gas and refreshments. I didn't need to buy anything so I only used the bathroom and I was back before anyone else. As I stood there waiting for everyone, he approached me and as he was getting closer, I thought you myself "my day just got better". I love your dress, that was the first thing he said to me , as strange as it sounds he got me blushing. Well anyone would do the same upon hearing such from a cute guy who appears to be friendly and looks harmless. And because I was still admiring his cute lips, I forgot that he complimented me and I had to respond so he repeated what he said. Me: Oh! Sorry, thank you  (all smiles...

A thousand pieces Here is the story of how and when I met this new guy that I accepted to be mine a few seconds ago. I needed to do something in the two weeks before my exams started and classes have ended. And I wanted to get out of the city and go somewhere I would forget about my problems, somewhere I know I won't be expecting to bump into Alex, the lover that went away. Somewhere I could breath freely, not that I had breathing problems but I wanted a new environment. A place that wouldn't remind me of every corner I spend time with him.  If I had wings I would fly away but well, that's not how we were created. But if I could I would fly to the Maldives, I would go to the Wayag islands of West Papua province. Somewhere I could have peace of mind. To get away from my depressing life for a moment, I decided to go to Sandra, a friend of mine that stays in Oranjemund and she agreed. But because of her own issues that she was dealing with, we decided to go for a vacati...

A thousand pieces Sometimes to help my self move on or feel better, I write letters to myself Letter 5 Dear Broken-self You are ugly, chubby and definitely not like all the other girls he has been with because you are much worse, he got to choose those but not you. You are not his type and get this in your head that you will never stand a chance with him. Move on and forget about your obsession, get over him and yourself.  He never liked you and he was never going to want you, you are not even close to what he wants, why would you ever think that he will one day change his mind? Funny girl. He doesn't care about you and your feelings, he doesn't feel anything for you. Yours Lonely-self When I realised that my lover wasn't coming back, that he was gone for good I started feeling lonely. So much that I cried myself to sleep many nights. I missed him so much but there was nothing I could do to make it disappear. I felt like a part of me was missing and I hated feeli...

A thousand pieces My heart would skip everytime I hear footsteps towards my room and sometimes I would jump to my feet in hope that he would pop up like he used to. Days went by and he still didn't show up nor did he text or call. I was breaking down every day, I even lost concentration in class and my test marks started to drop. I never had appetite and I started losing weight. All my friends were worried but there's no way I would tell them that I'm so broken and the lover that left me broken was never mine in the first place. They wouldn't understand even if I tried so I will just suffer in silence, I brought it upon myself anyway. At times, I convince myself to let go of what I feel and that I'm strong enough to do it but I forget about all that on weekends, I have to admit that they are the hardest of all days because it's the time we used spend all day and night together doing all sort of things. The fifth Friday after his sudden disappearance was t...

A thousand pieces We have been at the lawn for a while and I started dozing so he suggested we go to the room. I thought he was going to let me spend the night alone, after all he said but I was wrong. He told me that he can see how hurt I was and because it's his doing, there's no way he could leave me deal with it by myself. I loved the idea of him spending the night but I know it will only make things worse and I didn't want to argue with him so I let him hold me till I fell asleep. Him being there was already comforting even if I was hurting because of him. I woke up and he wasn't there and the fact that he didn't wake me up to say goodbye made me upset. I was upset but I have to carry on with my life and I have to decide if I will do so waiting on him or forget about him. Forgetting about him is however mission impossible for me. I know I said I understood what he said and all of his reasons but it doesn't mean I'm not hurt. I was broken and I fe...

A thousand pieces It was awkward for the both of us or maybe I just felt odd and he must have clicked it out so he suggested we go outside for fresh air which I resisted but I was left with no choice later because he dragged me out. He made me walk to the lawn that was close to the campus main gate, leaving the one close by our hostel. He lay down on his back when he found a spot and I wasn’t going to stand there watching him do nothing so I joined him. Although I was still hurting from the words he said last time we were together, being with him there made me forget about those breaking words and the image of him saying those hurtful words seemed to have disappeared for a while. And for a moment I felt alive again because that's what he made me feel whenever he was around.  And I know it's madness to feel this way towards the same man that humiliated me but what can I do? I feel so much for him. It was a bit scary since only few people were walking around and who chills by t...

A thousand pieces Part 12 I know I wanted him to know about how I feel for him but not so soon I guess. He caught me off guard and I had no choice but to open up about everything. I wasn't prepared  and now that he knows, I know things will never be the same again. Right now I wish it never happened, I wish there was a way I can unknow him, I wish there was anything I could do to erase him from my mind and heart. I wish it hadn't gotten to this. I guess I should be embarrassed for being rejected. What was I even thinking? Oh! I just want to burry myself and disappear for good. "If I have to try out this relationship thing, you will definitely be my first choice, not just now" the text read. He is probably trying to make me feel better but it's not working. Why can't he just understand that what I want is a relationship? Or maybe I'm being selfish and inconsiderate. Plus if relationships are not his thing then he shouldn't be afraid because this w...