Part 12
A thousand pieces
Part 12
I know I wanted him to know about how I feel for him but not so soon I guess. He caught me off guard and I had no choice but to open up about everything. I wasn't prepared and now that he knows, I know things will never be the same again. Right now I wish it never happened, I wish there was a way I can unknow him, I wish there was anything I could do to erase him from my mind and heart. I wish it hadn't gotten to this. I guess I should be embarrassed for being rejected. What was I even thinking? Oh! I just want to burry myself and disappear for good.
"If I have to try out this relationship thing, you will definitely be my first choice, not just now" the text read. He is probably trying to make me feel better but it's not working. Why can't he just understand that what I want is a relationship? Or maybe I'm being selfish and inconsiderate. Plus if relationships are not his thing then he shouldn't be afraid because this will not affect him in any way, it's bound to end at some point anyway.
Because I couldn't sleep, I decided to write to him.
Letter 3
Dear Selfish cheese boy
You have no idea how much strength I have gathered to let you know how I feel for you and now that you know, I'm completely lost. I do not know what to do or say to you. There's no escaping from all these,is there? How can I ever forget about you and all these when all you gave me was happiness? How will ever live with myself knowing that I can't have the only person I felt strongly for? How can I even believe anything that comes out of your mouth?
I'm heartbroken, in pain, confusion and inlove all at once. I cannot think clearly and I can't possibly make a decision (it's not like I have options anyway) in the state that I'm in now. I still have so many questions unanswered, I feel the need to get more closer to you but what would become of me if I continue pursuing these feelings?
Why is everything about you so fascinating?
I like you and I love how your presence makes me feel. I like you for me, I just hate that it's something that cannot happen. I'm lost in the midst of my pain and misery.
Yours
Heartbroken me
As much as I would like to capture the letter and send it, I cannot because it will only hurt me.
But what if I'm just here working myself out and he is there thinking of giving us a chance? He did say that he cared about me and that he felt something deep for me. Maybe he might be willing to give us a try. I mean it's been the greatest three months of our lives to just throw it away. Or maybe he really meant it when he said that I'm just a friend and he doesn’t try out commitment stuff with friends.
Or when he said that I'd be his first choice when he's ready but when will that be? I think I'm willing to wait if he really meant that,I will be miserable if he didn’t mean it.
It was going so well until today and I would probably be at movies with him tonight instead of crying for a man I know is not healthy for me.
I locked myself in the room all weekend and he didn't bother to show up,text or call. He only came by on Monday with all kinds of my favorite food, apparently to cheer me up because he assumed I would be depressed and guess what? He was right.
Part 12
I know I wanted him to know about how I feel for him but not so soon I guess. He caught me off guard and I had no choice but to open up about everything. I wasn't prepared and now that he knows, I know things will never be the same again. Right now I wish it never happened, I wish there was a way I can unknow him, I wish there was anything I could do to erase him from my mind and heart. I wish it hadn't gotten to this. I guess I should be embarrassed for being rejected. What was I even thinking? Oh! I just want to burry myself and disappear for good.
"If I have to try out this relationship thing, you will definitely be my first choice, not just now" the text read. He is probably trying to make me feel better but it's not working. Why can't he just understand that what I want is a relationship? Or maybe I'm being selfish and inconsiderate. Plus if relationships are not his thing then he shouldn't be afraid because this will not affect him in any way, it's bound to end at some point anyway.
Because I couldn't sleep, I decided to write to him.
Letter 3
Dear Selfish cheese boy
You have no idea how much strength I have gathered to let you know how I feel for you and now that you know, I'm completely lost. I do not know what to do or say to you. There's no escaping from all these,is there? How can I ever forget about you and all these when all you gave me was happiness? How will ever live with myself knowing that I can't have the only person I felt strongly for? How can I even believe anything that comes out of your mouth?
I'm heartbroken, in pain, confusion and inlove all at once. I cannot think clearly and I can't possibly make a decision (it's not like I have options anyway) in the state that I'm in now. I still have so many questions unanswered, I feel the need to get more closer to you but what would become of me if I continue pursuing these feelings?
Why is everything about you so fascinating?
I like you and I love how your presence makes me feel. I like you for me, I just hate that it's something that cannot happen. I'm lost in the midst of my pain and misery.
Yours
Heartbroken me
As much as I would like to capture the letter and send it, I cannot because it will only hurt me.
But what if I'm just here working myself out and he is there thinking of giving us a chance? He did say that he cared about me and that he felt something deep for me. Maybe he might be willing to give us a try. I mean it's been the greatest three months of our lives to just throw it away. Or maybe he really meant it when he said that I'm just a friend and he doesn’t try out commitment stuff with friends.
Or when he said that I'd be his first choice when he's ready but when will that be? I think I'm willing to wait if he really meant that,I will be miserable if he didn’t mean it.
It was going so well until today and I would probably be at movies with him tonight instead of crying for a man I know is not healthy for me.
I locked myself in the room all weekend and he didn't bother to show up,text or call. He only came by on Monday with all kinds of my favorite food, apparently to cheer me up because he assumed I would be depressed and guess what? He was right.
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