Part 19
A thousand pieces
He read the text after 20 minutes and when he didn't reply for two hours, I wrote to him again.
Letter 7
Dear Stranger now
"You are probably annoyed,
You are probably fed up
Maybe you are irritated
Maybe you are bothered
By me and my existence
Perhaps you want me to leave you alone.
Maybe yes, maybe not
But I will only know if you tell me, I would only fathom if you if you let me know
Only when you say it say it will I know that you are tired of seeing my name pop up on your screen when I text.
I will only know that you don't want anything to do with me the day you tell me to stop bothering you, only then will I know.
You avoiding me does not say anything
You ignoring me doesn't tell me anything
You being mean doesn't prove anything
You being quiet is reason unknown to me.
You have got to give me something, anything.
Tell me you never want to hear from me again
Tell me that last time was the last time I would see you
Only when you say something will I know. Give me something."
Yours
Need-answers
I read the letter over and over again and the more I read it the more I realised that I will only make a fool out of myself if I send it because he will still ignore me. I'm struggling to understand what I did to him to deserve his kind of treatment towards me. He said he needed time to get ready for me but I didn't think he will be doing it at distance. I can't help but wonder if he is even honouring his promise to me. He told me to wait for him, I don't know how long I can carry on waiting for him, my patience is running out. Maybe it's time I let him go, I just don't know how, he took it all away.
It must have been his plan to make me fall for him and when I did, he wasn't there to catch me so he let my heart slip on the floor, breaking in a thousand pieces.
It's even worse because I'm still hopeful that one day, he would come to me, that he would come looking for me so we continue where we ended. I still think that he is the one for me, that he is my soulmate and we are meant to be together.
**************
"I know we are not dating, I know you are not mine neither am I yours.
I know I didn't mean anything to you, I know you will never want me,
I now know that there will be us
I know that it was just a fantasy to you
I know all, I know everything
I'm not asking you to want me, I'm not asking you to be mine (at least not anymore)
I'm not asking you for anything
I just want to let you know that I miss you
I know you don't miss me, I'm not asking you to. I miss you"
****************
Three days after he ignored me, a naive me decided to write to him again ( yes again). I had a few regrets after I sent the text but this time he responded, he said he missed me too. That was all he said and though it wasn't what I needed to hear from him, I felt like he had given me a bit of hope. I thought he was telling me to hold on a little longer. But I also thought it was his goodbye, that it was his Way of telling me to forget him and move on with my life without him.
So I made a decision I should have done a long time ago, I promised myself that I will do all I can to forget him, I will move on from this selfish man. I will find ways to get past him and do what he wants me to do, moving on.
*****************
He read the text after 20 minutes and when he didn't reply for two hours, I wrote to him again.
Letter 7
Dear Stranger now
"You are probably annoyed,
You are probably fed up
Maybe you are irritated
Maybe you are bothered
By me and my existence
Perhaps you want me to leave you alone.
Maybe yes, maybe not
But I will only know if you tell me, I would only fathom if you if you let me know
Only when you say it say it will I know that you are tired of seeing my name pop up on your screen when I text.
I will only know that you don't want anything to do with me the day you tell me to stop bothering you, only then will I know.
You avoiding me does not say anything
You ignoring me doesn't tell me anything
You being mean doesn't prove anything
You being quiet is reason unknown to me.
You have got to give me something, anything.
Tell me you never want to hear from me again
Tell me that last time was the last time I would see you
Only when you say something will I know. Give me something."
Yours
Need-answers
I read the letter over and over again and the more I read it the more I realised that I will only make a fool out of myself if I send it because he will still ignore me. I'm struggling to understand what I did to him to deserve his kind of treatment towards me. He said he needed time to get ready for me but I didn't think he will be doing it at distance. I can't help but wonder if he is even honouring his promise to me. He told me to wait for him, I don't know how long I can carry on waiting for him, my patience is running out. Maybe it's time I let him go, I just don't know how, he took it all away.
It must have been his plan to make me fall for him and when I did, he wasn't there to catch me so he let my heart slip on the floor, breaking in a thousand pieces.
It's even worse because I'm still hopeful that one day, he would come to me, that he would come looking for me so we continue where we ended. I still think that he is the one for me, that he is my soulmate and we are meant to be together.
**************
"I know we are not dating, I know you are not mine neither am I yours.
I know I didn't mean anything to you, I know you will never want me,
I now know that there will be us
I know that it was just a fantasy to you
I know all, I know everything
I'm not asking you to want me, I'm not asking you to be mine (at least not anymore)
I'm not asking you for anything
I just want to let you know that I miss you
I know you don't miss me, I'm not asking you to. I miss you"
****************
Three days after he ignored me, a naive me decided to write to him again ( yes again). I had a few regrets after I sent the text but this time he responded, he said he missed me too. That was all he said and though it wasn't what I needed to hear from him, I felt like he had given me a bit of hope. I thought he was telling me to hold on a little longer. But I also thought it was his goodbye, that it was his Way of telling me to forget him and move on with my life without him.
So I made a decision I should have done a long time ago, I promised myself that I will do all I can to forget him, I will move on from this selfish man. I will find ways to get past him and do what he wants me to do, moving on.
*****************
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