Part 13
A thousand pieces
It was awkward for the both of us or maybe I just felt odd and he must have clicked it out so he suggested we go outside for fresh air which I resisted but I was left with no choice later because he dragged me out. He made me walk to the lawn that was close to the campus main gate, leaving the one close by our hostel. He lay down on his back when he found a spot and I wasn’t going to stand there watching him do nothing so I joined him. Although I was still hurting from the words he said last time we were together, being with him there made me forget about those breaking words and the image of him saying those hurtful words seemed to have disappeared for a while. And for a moment I felt alive again because that's what he made me feel whenever he was around. And I know it's madness to feel this way towards the same man that humiliated me but what can I do? I feel so much for him. It was a bit scary since only few people were walking around and who chills by the lawn at night anyway? It's crazy but crazy is what happens whenever I associate with him and I think I'm crazy inlove with him anyway.
Him: I care about you and I would hate myself for hurting you and I know I will because I'm not ready for commitment yet. I don't expect you to understand that now but I mean the best for you. You are beautiful in and out and I adore you for that. If I have to leave up to your expectations, I would need time to prepare myself and get ready for you. I have always been about short flings and one night stands but I haven't done that since I met you, I don't want to continue with that life anymore.
These past months we have had this going on were the greatest of my life and I learnt a lot just spending time with you.
I wish to change my ways and be what you would be proud to have. I'm not asking you to wait for me as I embark on this journey but one thing for sure, you will be my first and still are my number one and maybe only option. Hopefully you would still want us to be together. You deserve better and currently, I'm not that better person but I will be.
I would do better so that I can be deserving of you because honestly, I would hate seeing you with someone else..
I kept my eyes gazed at the stars as a single tear dropped from both of my eyes the few minutes he poured out his heart to me. Whatever made the tears drop, I do not know. I just know that I was touched and felt every word that he said. I know I wanted us to be in a relationship badly and when he started talking I thought he was going to give us a chance, but I do understand all that he said. If there's one thing I can do for myself is wait for him or maybe let him go for good.
Me: You have said so much, I don't know which part to respond to
Him: You don't have to say anything, let's just stare in the sky.
He asked to hold my hand and we just stayed there in silence.
And being there reminded me of how he has been good to me, all the good memories. Thinking of all that he has done for me, I realise that I should be thankful and grateful. I need to respect his decision and not force him to do something he isn't ready for or probably doesn't want at all.
Though the day has gone past and the sun gone down, the bright stars shone light giving me a symbol of hope in such a sad and solemn night.
I was able to concentrate on the good and ignore all the negatives and finally, I was able to tell him that I will honour his decision.
It was awkward for the both of us or maybe I just felt odd and he must have clicked it out so he suggested we go outside for fresh air which I resisted but I was left with no choice later because he dragged me out. He made me walk to the lawn that was close to the campus main gate, leaving the one close by our hostel. He lay down on his back when he found a spot and I wasn’t going to stand there watching him do nothing so I joined him. Although I was still hurting from the words he said last time we were together, being with him there made me forget about those breaking words and the image of him saying those hurtful words seemed to have disappeared for a while. And for a moment I felt alive again because that's what he made me feel whenever he was around. And I know it's madness to feel this way towards the same man that humiliated me but what can I do? I feel so much for him. It was a bit scary since only few people were walking around and who chills by the lawn at night anyway? It's crazy but crazy is what happens whenever I associate with him and I think I'm crazy inlove with him anyway.
Him: I care about you and I would hate myself for hurting you and I know I will because I'm not ready for commitment yet. I don't expect you to understand that now but I mean the best for you. You are beautiful in and out and I adore you for that. If I have to leave up to your expectations, I would need time to prepare myself and get ready for you. I have always been about short flings and one night stands but I haven't done that since I met you, I don't want to continue with that life anymore.
These past months we have had this going on were the greatest of my life and I learnt a lot just spending time with you.
I wish to change my ways and be what you would be proud to have. I'm not asking you to wait for me as I embark on this journey but one thing for sure, you will be my first and still are my number one and maybe only option. Hopefully you would still want us to be together. You deserve better and currently, I'm not that better person but I will be.
I would do better so that I can be deserving of you because honestly, I would hate seeing you with someone else..
I kept my eyes gazed at the stars as a single tear dropped from both of my eyes the few minutes he poured out his heart to me. Whatever made the tears drop, I do not know. I just know that I was touched and felt every word that he said. I know I wanted us to be in a relationship badly and when he started talking I thought he was going to give us a chance, but I do understand all that he said. If there's one thing I can do for myself is wait for him or maybe let him go for good.
Me: You have said so much, I don't know which part to respond to
Him: You don't have to say anything, let's just stare in the sky.
He asked to hold my hand and we just stayed there in silence.
And being there reminded me of how he has been good to me, all the good memories. Thinking of all that he has done for me, I realise that I should be thankful and grateful. I need to respect his decision and not force him to do something he isn't ready for or probably doesn't want at all.
Though the day has gone past and the sun gone down, the bright stars shone light giving me a symbol of hope in such a sad and solemn night.
I was able to concentrate on the good and ignore all the negatives and finally, I was able to tell him that I will honour his decision.
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