Part 15
A thousand pieces
My heart would skip everytime I hear footsteps towards my room and sometimes I would jump to my feet in hope that he would pop up like he used to. Days went by and he still didn't show up nor did he text or call. I was breaking down every day, I even lost concentration in class and my test marks started to drop. I never had appetite and I started losing weight. All my friends were worried but there's no way I would tell them that I'm so broken and the lover that left me broken was never mine in the first place. They wouldn't understand even if I tried so I will just suffer in silence, I brought it upon myself anyway.
At times, I convince myself to let go of what I feel and that I'm strong enough to do it but I forget about all that on weekends, I have to admit that they are the hardest of all days because it's the time we used spend all day and night together doing all sort of things.
The fifth Friday after his sudden disappearance was the worst of all
Yoh! I swear it was the hardest of all of the other nights I spend convincing myself that I'm strong and it will pass. I told myself that I was over him and it's just a matter of time before I can forget about him but I know deep down that he's still there, it's still very fresh and I just can't figure out what I should do to move on because honestly I feel like I'm out of options right now. I feel like the more I do stuff to help me move on, the more I miss him. Why am I crying? I don't know
I remember the last night I was with him, he held me differently and I could sense it. I knew what it meant. I remember very well, I knew he was saying goodbye, that it was the last time he would be there with me, the last time he would be real with me. I knew he was leaving me and I was terrified but I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to think that he won't be coming back to me so I convinced myself that it was just going to be for few days before he would come back. The days which turned into weeks.
I have been so blinded by my feelings that I ignored all the signs presented before me. He tried telling me not to fall for him but I did it anyway. I was so foolish to believe that he could change for me or that I would be the first person he tries out a relationship with. I was even more stupid to even ask him that. I have lost my self-respect because the me I have known all the past years would never have done that. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Letter 4
Dear AlexH
I woke up in the middle of the night and you were there, you sensed my movement and you opened your arms for me to tuck in. With no word said yet feeling a thousand miles away and all is well. It feels so good, you have no idea but the only difference is that you are not here and I'm all alone in my bed. I miss all those times you were here. You know know why? I bet you have no idea, in fact you probably forgot about me already.
I feel your body and warmth every time I roll over in my bed, I feel your touch all night long and my heart is at peace. I feel your hands in mine in the morning before I open my eyes. There's no better feeling than letting me stay in your arms before getting out of bed.
But my time with you has come to an end, all I can do now is think, imagine and wish. All that I felt is now in over, it's all over, it was gone in the blink of an eye. All I want you to know is that I miss you. I hope you know that.
Yours
Heartbroken me
I try to occupy my mind with other things but it just doesn't work, I try talking to friends and it all ends in vain. I have gotten used to him being around that I didn't realise that I relied on him for my happiness. I don't know what else to do but I have got to do something because all that I'm feeling is weighing me down.
My heart would skip everytime I hear footsteps towards my room and sometimes I would jump to my feet in hope that he would pop up like he used to. Days went by and he still didn't show up nor did he text or call. I was breaking down every day, I even lost concentration in class and my test marks started to drop. I never had appetite and I started losing weight. All my friends were worried but there's no way I would tell them that I'm so broken and the lover that left me broken was never mine in the first place. They wouldn't understand even if I tried so I will just suffer in silence, I brought it upon myself anyway.
At times, I convince myself to let go of what I feel and that I'm strong enough to do it but I forget about all that on weekends, I have to admit that they are the hardest of all days because it's the time we used spend all day and night together doing all sort of things.
The fifth Friday after his sudden disappearance was the worst of all
Yoh! I swear it was the hardest of all of the other nights I spend convincing myself that I'm strong and it will pass. I told myself that I was over him and it's just a matter of time before I can forget about him but I know deep down that he's still there, it's still very fresh and I just can't figure out what I should do to move on because honestly I feel like I'm out of options right now. I feel like the more I do stuff to help me move on, the more I miss him. Why am I crying? I don't know
I remember the last night I was with him, he held me differently and I could sense it. I knew what it meant. I remember very well, I knew he was saying goodbye, that it was the last time he would be there with me, the last time he would be real with me. I knew he was leaving me and I was terrified but I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want to think that he won't be coming back to me so I convinced myself that it was just going to be for few days before he would come back. The days which turned into weeks.
I have been so blinded by my feelings that I ignored all the signs presented before me. He tried telling me not to fall for him but I did it anyway. I was so foolish to believe that he could change for me or that I would be the first person he tries out a relationship with. I was even more stupid to even ask him that. I have lost my self-respect because the me I have known all the past years would never have done that. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Letter 4
Dear AlexH
I woke up in the middle of the night and you were there, you sensed my movement and you opened your arms for me to tuck in. With no word said yet feeling a thousand miles away and all is well. It feels so good, you have no idea but the only difference is that you are not here and I'm all alone in my bed. I miss all those times you were here. You know know why? I bet you have no idea, in fact you probably forgot about me already.
I feel your body and warmth every time I roll over in my bed, I feel your touch all night long and my heart is at peace. I feel your hands in mine in the morning before I open my eyes. There's no better feeling than letting me stay in your arms before getting out of bed.
But my time with you has come to an end, all I can do now is think, imagine and wish. All that I felt is now in over, it's all over, it was gone in the blink of an eye. All I want you to know is that I miss you. I hope you know that.
Yours
Heartbroken me
I try to occupy my mind with other things but it just doesn't work, I try talking to friends and it all ends in vain. I have gotten used to him being around that I didn't realise that I relied on him for my happiness. I don't know what else to do but I have got to do something because all that I'm feeling is weighing me down.
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