Part 27
A thousand pieces
When I started this thing with Samuel I thought it was the best thing that happened to me in a while, I was so focused on getting over Alex that I didn't think of what will happen in the near future, I didn't consider Samuel's feelings or what this might do do him, i didn't think of all the possibilities, but the guilt is starting to catch up with me now. Seeing Samuel and noticing that he's actually a good person made me want to go back in time and change what I did.
Hilma was right, I should just distance myself from him and if he can read the signs, he would know that it was never meant to be serious. For the next two weeks since he came to see me, I didn't call or text him but he made sure that he texted or called everyday and I ignored him most of the times with an excuse that I'm busy with school. I guess he took the bate because he always apologised for disturbing.
He called the Friday of the second week that he's free and asked if it was okay to come over. I have been giving him signs to stay away but it's either he doesn't notice or he's just choosing to ignore. I didn't want to hurt him any further and I figured it would be better to end things sooner than later before it gets more complicated.
I agreed to let him come over and I have made up my mind, I'm just going to tell him the truth. I know acting on things I haven't really given much thought doesn't normally work out in my favour but I will go ahead anyway. I need to free him so that I can move on with my life also. I can't move on when I have unresolved issues. I'm going to make it right.
Me: ( After greetings) Thank you for coming, I have been wanting to talk you
Samuel: That's why I am here,we need to talk, can I go first?
Me: Yes, shoot
Samuel: I know you have been avoiding me for the past two weeks and I would like to apologise if I said anything offensive that day I came to see you, you didn't have to punish me by hurting yourself in the process, you would have told me so we work it out.
He put me in a very difficult position with what he just said, this wouldn't be happening if I had gone first. I can't possibly tell him that I want out when he just told me that he wants to work out things in the future.
Me: I'm sorry I have been pushing you away, but maybe this won't work, I mean the idea of us
Him: Don't say that, at least not yet,
I know you probably don't expect to hear this from me considering how we started this but I like you, a lot and I want nothing but for us to work and I know we can do it, give me a chance to try, would you let us try 'us' out? Please?
He looked cute and serious saying that and it's the way he said it that made me say yes, he looked so vulnerable that he left me no choice but to accept his proposal. He was so happy when I said yes and it only cut me deep in my heart knowing that I didn't mean what I just said.
Samuel: I also realised that you didn't ask me anything about my life, but you deserve to know, here is my story;
I didn't pass matric because of reasons I'm not comfortable discussing but I was fortunate enough to get a chance to start a construction company, I don't want to say a successful one but it is what it is. I have a five-year daughter, her name is Tulinawa and before you ask, I stay with her so you shouldn't be worried about her mom because we both moved on when Tulinawa was still a baby.
I admired his honesty because people often choose to withold such information, I just didn't care much because it will be over soon anyway
**** **** ****
We had the first deep conversation ever , he told me all about his background and his plans for the future. We talked about what we should do to make our relationship work. It was so serious that I was starting believe my lie. I still have no idea of what I got myself into and I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I wasn't going to break his heart that moment. I'm not sure of how long I will keep up with lying to him and myself but I will leave it as it is for now.
************************
When I started this thing with Samuel I thought it was the best thing that happened to me in a while, I was so focused on getting over Alex that I didn't think of what will happen in the near future, I didn't consider Samuel's feelings or what this might do do him, i didn't think of all the possibilities, but the guilt is starting to catch up with me now. Seeing Samuel and noticing that he's actually a good person made me want to go back in time and change what I did.
Hilma was right, I should just distance myself from him and if he can read the signs, he would know that it was never meant to be serious. For the next two weeks since he came to see me, I didn't call or text him but he made sure that he texted or called everyday and I ignored him most of the times with an excuse that I'm busy with school. I guess he took the bate because he always apologised for disturbing.
He called the Friday of the second week that he's free and asked if it was okay to come over. I have been giving him signs to stay away but it's either he doesn't notice or he's just choosing to ignore. I didn't want to hurt him any further and I figured it would be better to end things sooner than later before it gets more complicated.
I agreed to let him come over and I have made up my mind, I'm just going to tell him the truth. I know acting on things I haven't really given much thought doesn't normally work out in my favour but I will go ahead anyway. I need to free him so that I can move on with my life also. I can't move on when I have unresolved issues. I'm going to make it right.
Me: ( After greetings) Thank you for coming, I have been wanting to talk you
Samuel: That's why I am here,we need to talk, can I go first?
Me: Yes, shoot
Samuel: I know you have been avoiding me for the past two weeks and I would like to apologise if I said anything offensive that day I came to see you, you didn't have to punish me by hurting yourself in the process, you would have told me so we work it out.
He put me in a very difficult position with what he just said, this wouldn't be happening if I had gone first. I can't possibly tell him that I want out when he just told me that he wants to work out things in the future.
Me: I'm sorry I have been pushing you away, but maybe this won't work, I mean the idea of us
Him: Don't say that, at least not yet,
I know you probably don't expect to hear this from me considering how we started this but I like you, a lot and I want nothing but for us to work and I know we can do it, give me a chance to try, would you let us try 'us' out? Please?
He looked cute and serious saying that and it's the way he said it that made me say yes, he looked so vulnerable that he left me no choice but to accept his proposal. He was so happy when I said yes and it only cut me deep in my heart knowing that I didn't mean what I just said.
Samuel: I also realised that you didn't ask me anything about my life, but you deserve to know, here is my story;
I didn't pass matric because of reasons I'm not comfortable discussing but I was fortunate enough to get a chance to start a construction company, I don't want to say a successful one but it is what it is. I have a five-year daughter, her name is Tulinawa and before you ask, I stay with her so you shouldn't be worried about her mom because we both moved on when Tulinawa was still a baby.
I admired his honesty because people often choose to withold such information, I just didn't care much because it will be over soon anyway
**** **** ****
We had the first deep conversation ever , he told me all about his background and his plans for the future. We talked about what we should do to make our relationship work. It was so serious that I was starting believe my lie. I still have no idea of what I got myself into and I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I wasn't going to break his heart that moment. I'm not sure of how long I will keep up with lying to him and myself but I will leave it as it is for now.
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