Part 26
A thousand pieces
Samuel called again and I don't even have a lie or excuse to tell him but I didn't want him to think that I'm ignoring him now that we are in the same place so I had to pick up this time.
Samuel: (After greetings) I know you are mad at me for not talking to you yesterday, I had a very busy day and I don't want to make that as an excuse but I'm really sorry, please forgive me
Me: It's okay, I spend the whole day with Hilma and you saw how she doesn't give people a chance to talk, let alone touching a phone to talk to other people
We laughed about it and he asked if he could come over later but I told him that it wasn't a good idea since its not even my place. And now I was avoiding him considering that I now know where I stand with Alex.
**********
I was here thinking that he was mad at me and to think that I almost said things I shouldn't be saying, I'm so glad he went first. Hilma walked in just as I was putting the phone down. We spend about an hour rewinding last night's events, how she tried to take me with to bed but failed and all other things no one would want to hear. I wanted to move in the hostel later in the afternoon but she didn't want to let me go without cooking for her so she forced me to make dinner which I did gladly.
Hilma: So what are you going to do about Samuel?
She asked that out of nowhere and I wasn't even expecting it, I thought she had forgotten about it or that she will wait for me to open up.
Me: I don't know yet, he seems like a nice guy and now that I don't need him anymore, I don't even know how to tell him.
Hilma: You owe him an explanation but mabe you don't have to say anything, just leave him silently, he would know that it's over.
Me: And if he keeps coming after me?
Hilma: Then you will know what to do, tell him the truth, maybe not the whole of it but it's bad enough to keep him away and it's for the best anyway
Me: I don't agree with telling him the truth but I will will have to do what is best for myself
We had dinner and she helped me move in the following day, she also got me groceries and all that I needed to survive. She's my guardian angel and I will always be thankful and grateful for everything she does for me.
Samuel wanted to come see me in the evening but I still didn't trust him enough to be alone with him at night so I asked him to come in the afternoon. I understood what Hilma told me but I feel like waiting for us to drift apart will take time and I would rather get out of the relationship sooner than later. I will tell him the truth.
He brought a lot of jokes and many stories and he was so happy, I didn't want to ruin his mood. It's not only that, it was the way he looked at me, there was something he was telling me with his eyes that I couldn't figure out. It was the way he caressed my hand as I escorted him outside to his car, it was the way he gave me that forehead kiss. The way he held me when he gave me that goodbye hug, it was like that first day when we met but this time it was different, so gentle and loving.
I couldn't get myself to break the news to him, I wouldn't even know what to say or where to start. It hurts me that he's not the one, he is not Alex and I don't think I will ever feel for someone so much like I felt for Alex.
I want to apologise to Samuel for doing this to him and it will mean that I will have to explain why I'm apologising but it won't make a difference, I used him and he might go violent on me if I tell him the truth, I made the mistake of letting him know where I stay and there's no going back. I hate what I'm doing but Alex is to blame for everything, he did this to me.
Poor Samuel is caught up in my misery
*** *** *** ***
Samuel called again and I don't even have a lie or excuse to tell him but I didn't want him to think that I'm ignoring him now that we are in the same place so I had to pick up this time.
Samuel: (After greetings) I know you are mad at me for not talking to you yesterday, I had a very busy day and I don't want to make that as an excuse but I'm really sorry, please forgive me
Me: It's okay, I spend the whole day with Hilma and you saw how she doesn't give people a chance to talk, let alone touching a phone to talk to other people
We laughed about it and he asked if he could come over later but I told him that it wasn't a good idea since its not even my place. And now I was avoiding him considering that I now know where I stand with Alex.
**********
I was here thinking that he was mad at me and to think that I almost said things I shouldn't be saying, I'm so glad he went first. Hilma walked in just as I was putting the phone down. We spend about an hour rewinding last night's events, how she tried to take me with to bed but failed and all other things no one would want to hear. I wanted to move in the hostel later in the afternoon but she didn't want to let me go without cooking for her so she forced me to make dinner which I did gladly.
Hilma: So what are you going to do about Samuel?
She asked that out of nowhere and I wasn't even expecting it, I thought she had forgotten about it or that she will wait for me to open up.
Me: I don't know yet, he seems like a nice guy and now that I don't need him anymore, I don't even know how to tell him.
Hilma: You owe him an explanation but mabe you don't have to say anything, just leave him silently, he would know that it's over.
Me: And if he keeps coming after me?
Hilma: Then you will know what to do, tell him the truth, maybe not the whole of it but it's bad enough to keep him away and it's for the best anyway
Me: I don't agree with telling him the truth but I will will have to do what is best for myself
We had dinner and she helped me move in the following day, she also got me groceries and all that I needed to survive. She's my guardian angel and I will always be thankful and grateful for everything she does for me.
Samuel wanted to come see me in the evening but I still didn't trust him enough to be alone with him at night so I asked him to come in the afternoon. I understood what Hilma told me but I feel like waiting for us to drift apart will take time and I would rather get out of the relationship sooner than later. I will tell him the truth.
He brought a lot of jokes and many stories and he was so happy, I didn't want to ruin his mood. It's not only that, it was the way he looked at me, there was something he was telling me with his eyes that I couldn't figure out. It was the way he caressed my hand as I escorted him outside to his car, it was the way he gave me that forehead kiss. The way he held me when he gave me that goodbye hug, it was like that first day when we met but this time it was different, so gentle and loving.
I couldn't get myself to break the news to him, I wouldn't even know what to say or where to start. It hurts me that he's not the one, he is not Alex and I don't think I will ever feel for someone so much like I felt for Alex.
I want to apologise to Samuel for doing this to him and it will mean that I will have to explain why I'm apologising but it won't make a difference, I used him and he might go violent on me if I tell him the truth, I made the mistake of letting him know where I stay and there's no going back. I hate what I'm doing but Alex is to blame for everything, he did this to me.
Poor Samuel is caught up in my misery
*** *** *** ***
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