Part 8

He was so helpful, it didn’t take us much time to finish. He asked about my holiday and I told him all that there was to say. He told me how he had a busy flight schedule for two consecutive weeks and spend the other two weeks on a road trip, that’s why he didn’t reach out to me and he apologised for that. I am actually glad that he didn’t text or call because it would have forced me to say things I shouldn’t. I probably would have told him that I fell for him, that I want him for me. I would probably have asked him to change his beliefs and try out a relationship with me. We were all a bit tired from the packing and cleaning that we lay down. But I guess he must have been exhausted (from what, I do not know but it cannot be from helping me since he didn’t do that much) because he was talking one second and the next minute he went mute.

For a moment I thought he was just ignoring me when I kept calling his name with no reply so I shook him. The guy was dead asleep. Oh my! What do I do now? I never had a guy sleepover for the three years I have been in the hostel and I wasn’t going to start now but what do I do with this guy who is already asleep in my bed?  But it could be a good opportunity for me who loves cuddling. I remember the day we watched a movie when I sat close to him and how it felt good, I look at him and wonder how it would be like to have me cuddled up with him all night long. I wanted to feel his warmth, I wanted him for me, I wanted to sleep and wake up next to him so I just stood there not knowing what to do. I would normally not allow a man in my bed, a man I’m not even involved with anyway. And what will people say? My neighbours and friends or just anyone. I have always been the one who spoke against such acts and now that I’m in the position, I don’t want the opportunity to pass me by. People will probably think that I’m just a loose girl who is very good at pretending to be someone I’m not and also very good at covering up my tracks.

I did the most unimaginable thing, I locked the room and hopped in bed and I think he must have noticed because he put his arms around me, I wonder if he was asleep at all. I have to however admit that it felt good so I gave him a silent smile. Although sleeping next to him is what I wanted, I couldn’t get myself to fall asleep, I wanted to wake him up so he go sleep at his place or in his car if he just wanted to be in UNAM. I know I wanted this but I also know it is not right, that it was all wrong.

At the end of the day I made the decision to go with what my heart was telling me and ignore the many thoughts running in my mind. Finally, I slept. He woke me up at 5 a.m. telling me that he needs to go because he needs to be somewhere at 8 a.m. I was so sleepy to even ask where so I just agreed and he left. He texted later to let me know that he got home and to thank me for allowing him to spend the night even if it wasn’t planned.

He brought me some food and juice later during the day, apparently to apologize for his previous night’s behaviour and for leaving me with no choice. I was starting to think that he really cared about me. I loved everything about him and he had no idea what these little effects were doing to me. Everything he was doing just made me fall for him more.