Part 7

He texted, I assume after he got home asking why I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to lie but I wasn’t going to be so stupid and tell him the truth so instead I said, “because I’m afraid I will get attached and I don’t want that”. I don’t know if he really understood or he just said it to not continue the awkward conversation. When I went to bed that night I couldn’t help stop myself from thinking about him, everything about him was so fascinating. I liked the whole of him. Okay, I might have left out a few things about him. I don’t even know where to start if I have to describe him perfectly well because I would hate for anyone to have a wrong picture about him. Well let me start by saying that he is not very good looking, he has got big lips which I loved by the way with very cute white teeth. He is not very tall, just fine height, the way I would love my man to be, a bit skinny too. He always wore a cap and I always wonder how his head looks like.

I honestly have no idea of what got into me but since that day I last saw him and throughout the whole holiday, all I could think of was him and I quite regret not allowing him that kiss. I hate what I feel because I’m not even sure what it is but it has been a while now and it is not going away. I have seen a few of what he can do and he told me quite a lot about himself but I still feel like I don’t know him (and maybe it is the truth that I don’t know who he really is). Why then am I attracted to him? Gosh, I hate this. At some point, most of the times actually, I hold back the urge to let him know how I feel but pride and self-respect won’t let me.

I know I said I don’t want to get attached but the truth is I already am attached. And I think I have I fallen for him, well it wasn’t that first day but when it finally did happen, I couldn’t make it stop, I kept on falling and the strange part is that I don’t want the feeling to go away. I started making out a perfect imaginary couple, soulmates who lived happily ever after and that was me and my Alex, the guy who isn’t mine or will never be mine in any lifetime. The more I thought of him the more the feelings grew stronger and deeper. And to avoid a lot of complications, I made a promise to myself to not text or call him throughout the holiday, it was hard but I managed.

The day I moved in the hostel for the second semester, I thought the holiday was over so I could text him. I asked him to come give me a hand while unpacking and packing and he was at my room in like 20 minutes. I don’t care if he normally does that but I just thought he rushed to come over because he missed me too. Seeing him standing there melted my heart, oh boy! How I missed him and this time I tried not to sleep while in his arms for that long awaited hug.